Chapter Eleven

The day of the funeral Nate got up early, earlier than normal in any actual meaning of the words. Having not slept much in the night made it all the more irrelevant to claim it was earlier. Though it was easier for him to be up by four or so because of the growing insomnia. Having already set aside his best clothes, as well as the ‘new’ dress shoes his aunt had picked out for him years before for his senior prom. She always had an eye for good taste and pretty things, always having told him that he should hold onto them. That they might come in handy someday. That, and they looked really nice on him. Made him look more dignified.

Margo was still snoring away on the couch as Nate crept slowly over to the front door, and closed it shut behind him. The funeral had been set to begin at ten thirty in the morning, he had more than enough time to get there. By his watch it was only seven-fifteen. He debated stopping on the long drive to the cemetery, maybe getting himself something for breakfast from somewhere that caught his eye. Not that it would matter much, he wasn’t very hungry today anyways.

His car eased itself to life and purred along the asphalt roads with less than minimal effort. There were not many people out early on the roads in the morning. Schools were out for the holidays, and the tourism for that part of the state wasn’t going to pick back up for another few weeks. People would come from up north, trickling down to this small backwoods part of the state in the fall. Clogging the streets, and flooding the economy with much needed income. Nate had hoped that someone would just build a factory or fix the city’s bygone aged infrastructure so that they didn’t have to rely on the tourism so much. Though it wasn’t all bad and painful news when the herds of grey haired folks began to roll into town. John’s family had been tourist, coming down seasonally before his parents finally decided to shed their snow bird wings and settle down to live in the state full time. His father had blamed the economy for the constant changing in jobs that had led them to move so often over the years, though John had told Nate that his parents were just unhappy up north and needed a change. Whatever the reason had been, it led to Nate and John becoming friends in elementary school. And wasn’t that just something swell?

And on another positive beat, the changes that had been plaguing Nate had come to a screeching halt once his aunt had passed away. Or more accurately put, Nate didn’t care about them anymore. They didn’t matter; they really never did anyways. The color and design of Margo’s collar was whatever it needed to be. He had other, more pressing things to worry about now. More important things that seemed to fill his world with more space that was desperately needed if not for itself, then for his own part.

Nate passed by three gas stations before he finally crossed the bridge that joined the downtown area to the next county. Morning traffic may have turned horrible if he’d have stopped anywhere before the bridge. It was always a gamble, regardless of the time of year. At times if one stopped anywhere before the bridge, there was the oddly timed train that would cause everyone to wait impatiently, with their horns blowing, and driving up your tailgate to the point a sneeze would cause a collision, all parties present would be in a rush to go again. Or there was the usually common fender-bender blocking everyone from merging after the last light. Same spot for the last thirty years. A known problem that much like this part of the story, is a problem for someone else, and for another day.

Instead of gambling with any of the options that could have led Nate astray and frustrated, he instead pulled into the next gas station after the downtown area, about a mile past the city limits. It was located on the east side of the road, just after the small overpassed area. You couldn’t miss it being there if you had tried.

The gas station door opened up with a small chime as he walked inside. Saying a quick hello to the cashier before he walked to the drink coolers, Nate felt out of place. He’d easily forgotten how dressed up he was, that it until he saw the other customers walking about with tank tops and flipflops. There was some buy one get one deals on display, and knowing better than to be tempted by such trivialities as these, he decided instead to buy four drinks that were not on sale.

At the funeral he’d planned on handing them out to John, Ashley, and Julie, while naturally keeping one for himself. Hopefully they liked cheap iced tea. He paid the cashier and put the drinks into the small cooler that he kept in the back of his car. Then he was back on his way. The radio was playing some song from the seventies; he couldn’t focus on it enough to make out the words. He drummed his fingers absently against the steering wheel.

There was some new construction further along the road, past the convention center. He hadn’t noticed they had started anything out this way before. It had been a long while since he had made any good reasons to come out this far. He had graduated there, at the convention center. Always was a weird thing to him that they hadn’t held the graduation ceremony at the actual school. Seemed a waste of everyone’s time and energies to come out to this remote location to become active adults who took a part in the hustle and bustle of human society. Maybe they could have used the football field, or set up seating in the gymnasium. Would have been simple enough. Though that may not have had enough seating, from last reckoning it seemed like it did at the time when he last saw it.

Instead they had made everyone drive, way outside of the city limits, to the next town over and use this building. This lone building that used to be out in the middle of nowhere, where it still stood abstinent and stubborn amongst the new construction of a neighboring building. Whatever they were working on next to it was already growing tall in a fenced in jobsite. How odd how things always changed when you were busy looking at other things, Nate thought. They just sprout up like weeds or like plants in a stretch of city sidewalk, or a pillar along a walkway of a strip mall. Just taking over the world around you in little edits and changing everything else, for better or for worse. It all seemed to just depend on who you asked. Today’s version of Nate was beyond caring if his world was changing, it had been changing for quite sometime already. And he suspected, that it would keep on changing.

Passing the last bit of the fenced lot ate at him, and his curiosity got the better of him and his indifferences. Since he still had the spare time and the curiosity for it, he turned the car around at the next streetlight, making a U-turn only after everyone had passed on by.

From the sign outside of the construction site there wasn’t much to tell about the project being built, obviously it was going to be a large building. They had only just started with the base of it. Probably end up being more apartments, that’s all it ever was anyways. Just more and more growth. And so, he was on his way again, his curiosity was unsatisfied. Yet, he was glad for the brief reprieve from his reality. If only for a moment. Until he had to continue on the way towards the remainder planned before him. And where that would leave him later on.

Already there were a few cars in the cemetery’s small parking lot. A few people were standing around outside and talking to one another in hushed tones. This much he could tell before even parking. One person was smoking away a pack of American spirits, one cigarette at a time, this much Nate could also tell before he pulled into a spot by the front of the funeral home’s main building. Dressed more sharply so than Nate had ever seen them dress before, they waved and Nate waved back as he parked next to their spot. He got out and dusted loose lint off of his coat, and the stray golden dog hair that was there as well.

A long whistle was the first thing that greeted him, “Well, don’t you just clean up nice.” John exhaled smoke and a smile as Nate walked over.

“Thank you for coming, man.” Nate hugged John. He’d meant it. “I appreciate it.”

“Oh, shut up. Where else would I be? Especially on such a sad, boo hoo, kind of day? No where, that’s right. I got nowhere else I’d rather be. I’d be right here, where I need to be. Now shut up with all the thank you stuff, will you. Makes me feel like I’m a shmuck of a bum or something. Haven’t I suffered enough indignation to not go through feeling like that?”

“Be nice! I’m so sorry for your loss,” a small voice murmured from beside John, she hit John’s shoulder with a small black gloved fist. Strawberry blonde hair was peeking out from underneath a black hat that she wore at an odd angle. The tip of her nose looked red, as well as her eyes had a puffy quality that only comes along from hours of crying nonstop. Nate could have sworn he had met her before, but he couldn’t place from where exactly that could have been.

“Thank you. I appreciate your being here as well.” He said quickly while nodding his head. John saw through him instantly.

“Nate, you’ve already met Ashley before. Relax, man. Told you he wouldn’t remember you. It was a long night and all.” John grinned and let the cigarette dangle a little from the corner of his mouth.

“Okay, good.” Nate exhaled a little, “I thought you looked familiar and didn’t want to be stupid for asking if we had met already. I suspect I’ll look plenty stupid today and didn’t have it in me to make it any worse than it will already be. Sorry for not recognizing you, Ashley.”

“You are more than alright, sweetie.” Ashley’s voice seemed to squeak as she talked. Close to Julie’s voice, though with more of a southern note in it. Not quite a draw or accent, but the remnants of either of those things were left behind in her voice. “Today feels like a good day for awkward moments to happen to people. Especially for anyone that knows John.”

“First funeral?”

“Second, actually. My grandfather passed away when I was like, nine or so. I don’t really remember it all very that well though. Just that I was asking why they were putting him in the ground is all that I’ve been told happened that day. Made so many folks just up and cry their eyes out.”

“What the hell?” John’s eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up with a start, “That is, the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Yeah.” Ashley admitted with a quick shrug, “Folks didn’t like hearing that, that’s for sure. Or so my ma told me. She still holds a grudge about it too. Brings it up every Christmas as though it was simple small talk to be thrown around at folks.”

“I’m going to go on ahead inside. I’ll catch up with you guys in a bit.” Nate said, and started walking towards the building.

“We’ll join you in a minute, just going to finish this cigarette first,” John promised, before talking some more with Ashley. “But seriously, what kind of psycho child thing is that to say?”

“I didn’t know what was going on. Blame my folks, that’s what I do.” Ashley told him, and that was the last thing Nate overheard before entering the small building. They were cute together; Ashley was able to balance John’s hectic tendencies to say silly things that really did not end up mattering much. Though John meant well, not everyone was able to see past the nonsense to get that. Nate was glad Ashley could do just that.

The inside of the building was more than just cold, it was freezing, nearly ten degrees colder than the outside temperature had been, Nate guessed as much from the goosebumps sprouting along his arms. The room was well organized, despite the large number of things in it. Several rows of chairs filled out the space, rows lined alongside the far wall next to the hallway that the funeral director had previously shown Nate. It led to some offices and the restrooms were located around the corner from them. The other wall of the large lobby area was also lined up with another three or four rows of chairs that Nate hadn’t noticed till then. So many of the chairs were hidden behind fake plants that accented the corners of the room, adding a sense of nature to the atmosphere, though artificially so. Nate never learned what the type of plants they were supposed to be imitating. He was absolutely certain that he had had seen the same sort of plants thousands of times before. Usually in offices or the entrances of convenient stores. Probably just ferns or monsteras. Something easy like that that had a scientific name as long as your arm.

The easternmost wall was adorned simply with a large glass window, tinted to a dark shade of color to keep the room cool during the brighter parts of the day. In front of that was a simple wooden podium, veneered it a correct shade of color for its obvious purpose and task each time people gathered there. Next to the simple podium, was his Aunt June all alone in her dark mahogany casket.

She didn’t look nearly as peaceful as she had the last time he had seen her in the hospital. As she was now, she had gained a pressed or overall changed and different look altogether. Her features reminded Nate of a China doll mixed together with an American Girl doll, added in to get closer for a more natural touch of color. Nate couldn’t place how or why that image came to him, though it was the closest comparison he could have possibly made. She did not look real, like someone had made a replica of her, mimicking each and everything that had made her physically who she was. Then filling this replica, that was her exact double in nearly every detail, with what he would assume was formaldehyde. He had heard that it was used when setting up bodies for funerals, and without knowing what it was or what it did, the reasoning felt correct and likely true.

When he had contacted the funeral home a few days before they had directed him to also bring over a few articles of clothing that his Aunt June had liked. Instead of this suggestion, he brought several different dresses along with him. More than what was needed, and since he didn’t know what her favorite ones had been, this also felt like a healthy compromise. She never seemed to favor one thing over another. Rarely anyone had seen her in a dress, let alone the same outfit more than twice, only on special occasions like weddings and funerals did her favorite outfits seem to matter to her any more than it had to anyone else. He had spent the better parts of an hour and a half going over which one would have looked best for the funeral proceedings before giving up. Nate had admitted it then and there to the worker, and he would have admitted it now if he saw the worker in question walking around that morning. They had been right, more than right, whatever that word would have ended up being, the dress with the sunflowers on it was by far the best one, by far it was the only option. Not even a fair competition between the outfits she had owned. It made her look beautiful, and despite the circumstances and her features, full of some form of warmth and life.

Nate murmured something to his Aunt June, whispering so low that no one could have said for certain that anything was even said at all, not that anyone was around him just then anyways. Nate then smiled and rubbed at his eyes. There was nothing in him that could place the name for his emotions, and as he had recently been told, it was a good day for awkward things. Let alone the feelings that came with those wordless moments. Aunt June would have loved it to be that way. She was after all the best. If Nate had read more he may have had better words for all the little moments of the day, but he didn’t. All he had was his smile, and the other mourners once they started coming inside.

Nate stood in place, beside his Aunt’s coffin. Debating sitting in one of the vacant chairs, and after a brief moment of self-discussion, decided against it. There would be time enough for sitting later. The room would begin to soon fill itself the moment he did something as foolish as sit down in one of the many rows of chairs. He grabbed a flier and looked over the schedule for the funeral and began pacing around the room. Taking slow steps he read over the flier.

The funeral home had a few dozen of them printed up for this day, for today, Nate reminded himself. Each with some basic information that he had already read through countless times since submitting it to the director. Easy things that could be memorized in a matter of moments. The years his aunt had been alive were listed under her name on the cover. He’d chosen a nice picture of her chasing after Margo; it wasn’t a bad choice. How brief and dismissive they seemed to make her life seem, with all of the word all written out in a matter-of-factly fashion. Descriptions of her that covered and filled the insides of a small foldable piece of paper.

He read the blurbs of where she had been when she passed away, and who survived her. His name was somewhere several names down the list. Right where he would have preferred it to be. Reading her life like this; it was jarring, spelled out on this flimsy sheet of folded paper made her seem foreign and unknown to him. That he hadn’t really known her at all. Even after all of these years. All of her main points were there, in blue and white ink, surrounded by little birds and butterflies that flew from corner to corner.

Around his fourth time reading that she was born somewhere in New York, was when people started trickling indoors. Everyone walked in, all of them appeared to be kept together in small groups. Pairs of couples, and little family units, most of all of them were people that he recognized on sight; others it took a moment or two though he figured out who they were rather quickly. Everyone there looked so formal and dressed up in their best and finest clothes. Nate was more than a touch surprised that he knew nearly everyone that came in those heavy doors. The only ones he didn’t know right away, if not on sight, he figured out soon enough who they were through brief glimpses and flashes of passing conversations with them. The plus ones as they were, friends of friends, and family, these were a granted to not knowing so well for all of the obvious reasons. Nate learned who they were anyways.

On the street he wouldn’t have recognized Ashley, not today, not as dressed up as she was. Though there she was with John and Ashley, blending herself in with the crowds of strangers around them.

The same realizations came with the uncles, cousins, and aunts that were no longer related to Nate through marriage. Everyone that came in to the funeral service was meant to be there, for one reason or another. And everyone was more than welcome all the same. He made a point to tell them each that when he had gotten a chance.

It was lovely for Nate, simply saying hi to everyone. It made the rest on the day bleed by rather quickly. Stray hellos turned and transformed themselves into five-minute conversations with cousins that hadn’t been seen in close to twenty years. Last time Nate remembered seeing them was when his parents had donated his favorite toys to them and their siblings to have and to play with. And that was more than two, perhaps even three decades before at that point. He had joked with them as if it had only been yesterday. The years being nothing more than days for either of them, all held within a long weekend that had made it’s way over and come between them. And knowing nothing would come of it anyways, they’d swapped contact information along with promises to hang out and catch up in the near future. Life would get in the way though; there was no doubt whatsoever of this becoming the case in Nate’s mind on them not following through with this. And that would be more than all right. For that was just how life worked. People got busy, and people drifted apart. That was the way life went. The rub if you will.

Some of the older folks had settled themselves into oddly specific spots among the rows of chairs. Almost never at the ends or the corners, usually they coagulated off the middle of the isles or right in the front where they would block oncoming mourners from sitting down without them needing to move first. They’d wave and say that they were doing just fine when Nate took a moment to stop and check in on them. After a brief reprise from the riveting conversation filled with insistent questions the elderly would ask of him, someone else would scoop him away and he would be off talking to someone else. Before they too also drifted away into some other different conversation with another familiar stranger that hadn’t been seen in years, and or, more years than that. Over and over this happened, almost like dancing, everyone kept trading partners. Then disbanding. Then rejoining into the small crowd again and again.

Two and a half hours went on in this fashion, continuing of for what felt like a week of ‘hellos’ and ‘how are things’, until inevitably, the funeral services could begin. An older looking gentleman stepped up to the podium, then he cleared his throat. Nate did not recognize him but felt confident he was the funeral director, or at least one that he hadn’t met yet. The funeral home had more than five people working there. The man announced they would start the services once everyone was seated. When he talked, the sound seemed to leave the room, draining the cluttered chattering until all that was left in its place was his voice. He explained to everyone that life was a precious gift that we all shared, quoting as he went on in some fashion, with some bible verses that Nate knew he had never heard before, and talked about June, a woman he had never before met as though he had lived next to her his entire life. It was nice, though in an obvious way to all that were present in the room, boring. Nate dried his hands on the sides of his pants. They kept getting sweaty despite the air being so cold.

“Now, if anyone would wish to come up, and say some words.” The funeral director announced to the room. Everyone with a sullen silence, merely looked ahead, blank expressions lining their faces, all saying nothing in return. “Anyone?” He looked around expectantly, waiting for a sign of movement. He audibly sighed in relief, when he saw Nate rise up from his seat, and come up to the wooden podium. The man stepped aside to give him space. The soft flicker of a smile flashed across his face.

Nate pulled out a folded up piece of paper that he had prepared for this. Creased along both sides of it, and the writing was oddly spaced and thin to avoid accidental smudging, yet it was messy all the same. He cleared his throat, “My Aunt June was a kind woman. She had always done her best to always see the best in people. In everyone she ever met, with little to no exceptions. Even in the worst of situations she would find the smallest little things that made someone better than they saw themselves, or in a way, more of who they were. She saw people for who they were always meant to be, as she so often put it.

“And in a way, that was my favorite thing about her. She always tried-”, his voice betrayed him and broke. He took a deep breath and continued, “-to help where she, she could. Lately I’ve been thinking about life. As so many of us are doing today. Life is fair, in a sense, because we all have to die in the end. It is the one thing that we all have in common with one and other. No one lives forever in this world as who they are or want to be. It isn’t right, it isn’t, and, and it isn’t even. But it is fair. I-”, Nate wiped at his eyes, trying not to sniffle and make this speech any harder than it was already becoming for him. “I, don’t have anything else left to say. Just that I’ll miss her. I’ll miss you, Aunt June.” Nate cast a quick glance at where she laid, not five feet away from where he now stood. He quickly smiled, the best that he could, then kept his face as neutral as he was able to without crying any more than he needed to.

Nate folded the paper back up, slipping it into his coat pocket, and returned quietly to his seat next to Julie. He had entirely forgotten that she was there over the last few minutes. She had even walked around with him for the last few hours, meeting countless strangers with him, yet he forgot she was there. He wanted to feel horrible about that fact, but he did not have it emotionally in him to do so. It was wonderful that she was there with him. That he had emotionally had in him to enjoy. Julie squeezed his hand.

The older gentleman coughed, returning to the podium he cleared his throat. He talked on, continuing with the remainder of the service unabated. Nate couldn’t hear him; for him the funeral was already over. The rest of the day was simply going through the motions until he was home again. Sitting there while this kind stranger entertained the room of familiar strangers was all but a simple dream that he knew he would wake up from, feeling drained, and go about the rest of his life without missing more than a few beats.

The man finished up some time after that, and left the room while Nate wasn’t watching him. He had been busy with his thoughts elsewhere abouts. People were standing beside the large wooden doors by the entrance, waiting to let people outside. He wasn’t sure how long they had been there, a few hours or the whole day standing idly by, unnoticed by the crowd of mourners.

Everyone began the muffled transition of rising from their seats, scuffing and dragging chairs around as they did so, and shuffling off towards the doors. Several people resumed their conversations as though the service hadn’t simply even occurred. That it was the most natural thing in the world to pick up where they had left off, while June Merryweather lay still in her casket.

“It’s a shame we only see each other at funerals and weddings”, someone mentioned.

Another added, “We should do this more often.”

“Cousin Gloria is getting married in September”, an older woman announced conversationally. “We’ll see you then.”

“Looking forward to it. I wouldn’t miss that for anything in the world.”

Nate walked through several conversations that moved around like this. Flowing in and about, spilling words over and around him. He’d be upset about the nature of the topics and overt callousness later, much later on. For now, everything felt too small to worry about little things like that. People were just doing what people always did. Talking, they were just talking, saying whatever made them feel better in this room that no one wanted to be in. Like washing away dried ground with a light rain.

A blond woman in a black leather jacket walked up to Nate. He didn’t recognize her. “I thought what you said, about death being fair,” she told him. Nate was shocked he hadn’t seen her till now. With her casual clothes and leather jacket she stuck out among the odd waves of suits and dresses. She must have snuck in right before the service began, “I think you’re right. About it being fair. It sounds like something she would have said. Your Aunt, she was always saying things like that.”

Nate smiled and thanked her. She simply smiled and walked away without saying anything more.

“You doing alright, Nate?” Julie asked him, he hadn’t heard her sneak up beside him. The room was filled with the muted, muffled, sounds of stiff clothing and dress shoes dragging along on the carpeted floor. “Nate?”

“Yeah. I’m alright.” Nate cleared his throat and straightened himself upright. “I’m ready to go. I just, need to do something first. Meet you outside?” He smiled, trying to make it reach its way up to his eyes.

Julie smiled nodded back, smiling. “I’ll be by the car.” She squeezed his arm and followed John and Ashley outside of the building.

Nate wiped his hands on his shirt, and cleared his throat again. His aunt looked peaceful, just lying there amongst everyone. She seemed to not mind that no one had looked at her the entire time she was laying there. Perhaps the people there worried about disturbing her? How silly would that be. As though she was going to wake up and say something like, “Who are you, people? Oh hey, Carol! What’s with all the sad faces? Someone die or somethin’?” She’d give that big dopey toothy smile that she saved for awkward moments too. Laughing at everyone’s shocked expressions. All of the wide open eyes watching her in surprise. It would just fill her already full heart to the brim and over with laughter and joy.

Nate felt his lip tremble, just a little, as he took the eulogy from his pocket. He unfolded it, and read it over one last time. He then folded it back up into a small square and placed it under his aunt’s hand.

“I’ll see you, Aunt June. Love you,” he then leaned over and kissed her forehead before leaving the room. From the kiss he knew, beyond anything else that had happened, that she really was gone. It felt to him like kissing a tree. There had been some life there, fighting to survive, yet it was gone now. And it had been gone now for quite some time. She really was and truly would remain, dead.

John was talking to Julie by her car when Nate walked outside. Ashley was off in the distance, walking among the tombstones away from everyone else. John nodded for Nate to come over, “Loved the speech, man. Good job. Little sad, but you did great.”

“Thanks. Hey-”, Nate pointed at Ashley, off in the distance, “She okay over there?”

“Ash?” John shook ash off of his wrist and sleeve. “Yeah, she’s alright. She has a relative here and is going over to visit, and I assume to say hello.”

“Shouldn’t you go with her?” Nate raised an eyebrow.

John shrugged, letting the fresh cigarette in his mouth bob a little, “She wanted to go by herself, at least that’s what she told me. It’s what she wanted. Say her peace by herself and all that. Not that she needed me coming between her and family. I’m told that I wouldn’t want to come anyways.”

“So,” Julie said, letting a small smile creep over her lips, “You’re saying, that’s what she said?”

John laughed. “I suppose she did. Normally that’s not that funny. But that’s pretty funny.”

“Ashley says the meanest things sometimes,” Julie explained. She turned to Nate, “You want to walk around some before we go?”

Nate nodded. “Yeah. At least a little bit. I can show you where she’s going to be buried. It’s a nice spot, and out of the way a little.”

“I’m sure I’ll catch you guys later.” John said, and waved them on as he leaned against his car, continuing to smoke his last cigarette of the afternoon.

Nate and Julie watched the other people that wandered in the parking lot as they walked through the graveyard. It took a while for Nate to notice the warmth from her hand against his own. He had wanted to reach out and hold Julie’s hand, let her know that he had appreciated her being there when he had needed her the most. His fingers flexed against a palm that wasn’t his own, it felt warm, safe, and comforting. Nate looked over to realize that Julie’s hand was already within his own. It made him smile.

Nate watched a wisp of frosted breathe escape Julie’s lips. “Thank you, by the way.” She just smiled and squeezed his hand tighter. “I, I really-”

“I know, Nate.” Julie told him, letting her eyes weave over the grave markers around them. She slowed their joined pace down and read some of the dates and names etched into the tombstones. “Gary Walters, 1923 to 1987,” she read out aloud. “Mary Lou Wilton. That’s a name. 1916 till, Jesus, 2001. She lived a good full life. I hope it was a happy one.”

“I hope so too,” Nate agreed. He started going over the grave names as well, wanting to say their names and times of life aloud as well, but with his luck he kept finding the graves of children. Then, an interesting one sprang up on the right of the little paved road they walked on. “Marcus B. Arthur, loving father and friend, born 1910 till 2013. I think I won; he’s the oldest one I’ve found so far.”

“Dang it.” Julie stuck out her bottom lip and pouted, “Well that’s just not fair. You’ve been here already. I’m sure you scouted it out ahead of time too. Probably set me up so that you would know where the cool dead people were buried and everything.”

“Didn’t do that, I promise. All I know is where her grave is going to be is all. Just up there by that tree.” He pointed ahead of them, just beyond the intersection where the thin road split itself in different directions. One arching in a loop around a rough shape of a circle. The other branching in more of an oval shaped roadway, with several dead ends along it.

“Which one? There’s like four of them,” Julie asked, she was still pouting. “Sarah Michaels. Born 1927, died 2018. Crap, so close. Dang it, Sarah, do better next time.” She caught Nate smiling at her, and grinned back at him. The sun leaking through the overhanging boroughs of tree branches made her seem golden and shiny to look at. Almost ethereal and unreal in how beautiful it all made her stand out and look.

“The one on the right, on the inside of the curve there,” Nate explained, pointing as he talked, “Not the one by the trashcan. The other one there by the tree.”

“Oh.” Julie realized, when they walked up to the tree in question. Looking around and watching the wind push itself through the tree leaves, you could see where it appeared to be dancing across the field of graves. The crisping leaves welcoming a new addition to its harvest of souls. “This is actually a very lovely spot. I’m sure she would have liked it.”

“I think so too.” Nate nodded and agreed. “Helps that she’s the one that picked it out. Her parents are buried over here too, see.”

“Oh. Well, that makes sense. Told you she had good taste after all. Kind of sweet that she’s going to be with her family.”

“Agreed.”

“Mind a silly question?”, Julie, after a long pause ventured.

“Shoot.” Nate shrugged.

“Well,” Julie scratched at the back of her neck, “Since there isn’t much space here. And hopefully it’s going to be a good long time, and far, far away from here and all. But, where are they going to bury you?”

Nate scoffed a little more than he should have. Realizing it sounded rude he added, “I don’t know,” he watched the falling leaves with an admitting shrug, “The plot is paid for is as far as I know. You know something else that’s funny. John and I actually talked about that a while ago. The psycho, he-”, Nate snickered a little, “-he, said that he wanted to be taxidermied and dragged around. Kind of like ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’.”

Julie’s face was and remained blank. “That a movie or something?” Nate’s face was frozen in mock shock at her lack of knowing of the movie. “What? Should I have seen it already or something?”

Nate’s head shook slowly with disappointment. Stuffing his hands into his pockets, “No. It’s just a silly movie where- you know what? We can just watch it sometime. It’s not really that bad, just silly is all. And the plot, is, way too much work explaining the plot. Better to just watch it. You’ll either love it or hate it.”

“It’s a date then.” Julie’s lips twisted into a mischievous smile that made her eyes sparkle.

“It’s a date, then.” Nate returned her smile. “I’m ready to head out now. If you are.”

“Okay.” They walked back to her car; light crunching of gravel echoed each footstep as they ignored the nip in the chilly air. “I’ll see you tomorrow. You going to be okay tonight?”

“I’ll be okay. I promise. Need me to pick anything up for tomorrow?”

Julie shook her head, “I already picked up everything we should need. Text me if you want to add anything to the list. Maybe some more beer, if you think we’ll need it?”

“I can do that. See you tomorrow, Jules. Drive safe, alright?” He kissed her on the cheek before she started her car and drove off. A trail of dust in her tire’s wake and she was gone.

John was talking with Ashley when Nate walked up humming. John nodded in acknowledgement without saying anything to him.

Ashley looked around in confusion, until she saw Nate. “Oh. I was wondering who he was nodding to. You have a nice walk? He told me I must have just passed you and Julie.”

“It went just fine. Showed her where my aunt is going to buried after the cremation. Just over by that tree next to the fork in the road.”

“Just over the bridge, right?” She covering her eyes to see without the glare cutting through her sunglasses.

“Yes ma’am.”

Ashley made a bashful smile, and turned back towards John, “You hear that? He called me ‘ma’am’. Why don’t you do that?”

“Why, I don’t rightfully know, Lil’ lady,” John did his best John Wayne voice, it was better than it should have been. Truth be told. “But I reckon rightly so, that I can start right on now, ma’am.”

Ashley gave a small shiver, “Ooh. I like that.”

“Reckoned you would, Lil’ lady.” John smiled, then he asked Nate, “You about ready to head out? We were thinking of getting lunch if you were hungry.”

Nate shrugged and shook his head, “No, that’s alright. I’m gonna just head home. I’ve had too much excitement for today and I need to lay down.” He hugged John and nodded to Ashley before turning to leave.

“Oh, come on, now.” She said suddenly, catching Nate entirely off his guard.

“What-”, Nate started to asked as Ashley hugged him. Her grip was tighter than he had expected. A good amount of the air from his lungs was squeezed out of him with how tight her arms were around his chest. He looked askance to John for help, but John shrugged and smiled at him. Nate ended up hugging her back. “Thank you for coming today. It means a lot. Thank you.”

Ashley pulled away and pouted. Seemed like everyone pouted at him lately. When did he start having that effect on the women in his life, he wondered. “Oh shut up. Christ, I don’t understand people who say things like that. Just the ‘thank you for coming,’ or ‘nice to see you’ is enough to drive me up a wall. Showing up doesn’t mean whole hell of a lot. It really doesn’t. Tons of the people here seemed to treat this like any other day. Just another day. Hell, I saw like eight people talking about their cars, boats, and movies they’ve been watching lately. Julie and I were talking about that earlier. I know that I don’t get it, not one bit.

“There was one person they should have been looking at and talking about. But they weren’t doing either of those thing. And, I’m sorry. We snuck some alcohol in-, and well-, it just makes me all chatty, and a little bit too honest…”

“It’s more than alright. I was actually thinking the same thing during the service,” Nate admitted, before adding, “Wait, you guys brought alcohol? Why wasn’t I offered any?”

“I offered you some.” John promised him. “It was when you were walking around, and saying hi to everyone. You told me you were ‘alright’, and to ‘go ahead.’ I promise you; I offered,” John explained, ash scattered itself in the wind as he spoke. “It’s been a long day. That’s all. You’re still coming tomorrow, right?”

Nate nodded, “Yeah. I’ll be there. Julie and I are going to pick a picnic table with one of those grills by it. Don’t forget that it’ll be just after the parking lot on the south side of the island. I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Goodnight,” and he walked away, waving at them as he got into his car, turned it on, and drove off into the world. The drive home was quick and painless, just a brief twenty-minute ride over two or three bridges. Nate had never paid attention enough to notice that it was really four bridges all together. It didn’t matter anyways. Not on that day. Little mattered other than going home and getting some rest.

Before he had finally caught a red light and turned on the radio, Nate was already more than halfway home. The radio sang something softly at him for the remainder of the drive. Without listening along too closely he knew that he had known the song, and hummed along absent-mindedly to it without any thought. Letting his attention rest itself out onto the road ahead. The car drove on, passing over the river that cut a swarth through the land, separating the county he lived in from the one his aunt would soon enough be buried in. It looked pretty, beautifully so, a few boats were bobbing out on the cool water. The whole picturesque scene was backlit by the burning of the sun melting over the edges of the little world they all lived within. The chop itself didn’t look so bad at that height, even considering the light rain that had passed through the river earlier, it looked relatively calm.

The last time Nate could remember being out on the water, it had to have been what, years before, and around early high school. John’s parents had let them borrow his dad’s kayaks for the day. A light blue one and a dark pink kayak. They had launched out further along the river, amongst the groupings of mangroves that populated the water every few miles, sprouting up for the wildlife to have a safe and plentiful environment to live in.

The plan had originally been to row down the river, in a timely though relaxed pace, to a riverside restaurant where John’s dad would later pick them up from. Problem with that however had turned out to be the current. It had been working against them so much so that they called it quits after an hour and a half of constant paddling with no relenting or reprieve in the waves pushing them around. They ended up turning back to where they had launched from shortly after giving up, the tide helped them on that front with no need for further convincing. That was more than a good waste of time all the same. Nate forgot how much he had loved being out on the water. It was always a good day just being out there. Just bobbing between the waves, letting the tide wash away everything you didn’t need to carry with you. Leaving you behind, drenched in salt, sweat, and at the purest form of the word itself, at peace.

Nate backed the car into the driveway, after letting a small maroon car drive by. It turned out to be a passing neighbor that also waved as he drove past. Nate knew it would be easier to leave tomorrow this way. He didn’t normally back the car in, but planned on changing that silly habit.

The plan for the next morning was to host a celebration of life party along the beach that had been his aunt’s favorite beach to visit. Nate hated the phrase, ‘celebration of life’, it would end up being like how today had been, he’d realized. People would be doing everything but talk about the dead lady that they should have been celebrating the life of. It was in the name! Nonetheless. When he died, he would have something in writing, a legalese document that would state, in legalized and rather legitimate jargon, that everyone would get a beer per story they told about him. That way everyone had something to say, and a beer to ease them into it as well. Beer was always the best of the forms of liquid courage to drag people out of their shell and to start talking about the dead. Or so the conventional wisdom of Nate and John went.

The thought made him smile. Which helped him when he saw Margo.

“Hey, pups. Ready to go outside? Down! Not on the suit, please. It’s the nicest thing I own. Maybe we take a nap after you’re done outside? Lord knows I need one. Alright, alright! Come on, pups!” Nate held the door open and leaned against the frame, watching Margo saunter her shaggy tailed way out back. Margo sniffed around the fresh cut grass, taking her sweet time to do her business needs and arrange her ill timely timed meetings. Nate shook his head and sighed, then he walked over to the fridge. “You done yet out there?” He asked in the general direction of the dog once he poked his head outside. He cracked open a can of soda and took a drink when he noticed that the golden colored dog simply ignored him. As was within her traditions, and choosing instead to lay down on the grass with a soft thud that scared a bird away from out of one of the nearby trees. She looked peaceful and happy, that is before she began to roll around onto her back, frantically flailing under the warm muted sunlight. Her body rolled this way and that, stopping for a brief moment. Then rolling around again. Nate couldn’t help but laugh at her before walking away.

He went to his room and placed the dress shoes back into their box, and set them carefully alone on their shelf in the closet where they would stay for another indeterminate period of time. Then he hung up his coat and undressed, taking his time putting everything back where it belonged, and where it would stay. After he was done with all of this, he put on a baggy shirt and sweatpants and went to check on Margo again. It had only been a few minutes and he did not expect too much to have changed.

And he was right. Margo was still outside, watching a squirrel climb along the top of the fence-line, just minding its own business. Doing the best that a squirrel could do to seem casual about a big fuzzy dog watching its each and every movement as it possibly could. “Alright, alright! Come on in already you goof. I’m getting tired. I’ll let you back out in a bit, after a nap.” Margo shot him a happy grin and trotted her way back inside. “That’s my girl. Gonna cuddle with me now? Not going to hog the blankets again, are you?” She ignored him and his obvious insinuation. Then she climbed up on the couch, or more so accurately could be described as clambered with how her back legs caught the folds of the blanket, “Whatever pup, as long as I get some sleep. Scooch over. There we go.” He pulled the blanket covering them so that they were both within the folds of the quilted blanket. “Night, pups. Everything will be better later, right?” Margo licked at his hand and pressed against him with her wet nose.

Nate fell asleep rubbing the dog’s ears, listening to her snore against him.

Chapter Eleven

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